What I Believe
by fulofhyperness
Summary: Merlin believes in destiny, even when he doesn't agree with it. But the question has become, does he believe in Arthur more? merlinxarthur don't like don't read.


**Alright, the triumphant return of fulofhyperness! (hopefully it sticks this time)**

**I have a brand new laptop, and a brand new story, so let's see where this goes!**

**Chapter titles will reflect a song that a listened to in order to get my inspiration!..This chapter's song: Hairline Fracture by Rise Against**

**Well, let's do this thing!  
**

**Enjoy~!**

Prologue

"Arthur!" a voice shouted across the courtyard. A voice so riddled with pain it stopped the king in his tracks.

Arthur shook his head and prepared to take another step, but the voice sounded again. Closer this time. "Arthur, please wait!"

The king closed his eyes tightly and waited for the other man to catch up. He wasn't willing to turn and let the man see his tears; those he would keep to himself. But he would wait. He would wait because Merlin asked. All Merlin ever had to do was ask.

A hand clasped tightly around Arthur's shoulder. Merlin's hand. A hand the king was always aware of. "Where do you think you are going Arthur?" Merlin's voice bit into him. Why was Merlin even asking, he knew the answer.

"I'm going to defend my kingdom Merlin. That is something that a king must do." Arthur paused, still not willing to look at the man he loved. "Even if I am destined to die." Arthur shrugged off Merlin's hand, instantly feeling its absence, before marching through the gates of Camelot.

Merlin sighed, tears welling in his eyes. He grit his teeth, words biting past his lips. "I will _not_ let you die."

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Chapter 1: Hairline Fracture

"_Mer_lin" Arthur's voice bellowed across the courtyard. His smug expression was one that Merlin knew meant something gross for him to clean.

Merlin shot the Prince a sarcastic look before heading his way. "What do you want now Arthur? I thought I was done for the day!"

Arthur's smirk simply grew. "You are _my_ servant _Mer_lin. You are never done. If I need you, you come. End of story."

Merlin sighed deeply. "Whatever. What do you need?"

Arthur cocked an eyebrow expectantly.

Merlin looked utterly defeated before sighing once again. "What do you need…_sire_?"

"That's better." Arthur chortled. "I've just come back from training. I've got some particularly sweaty laundry that needs done."

"Can't that wait until tomorrow? It is laundry day after all!" Merlin flung his arms around as he spoke. He was offended. "I was just on my way to-"

"It doesn't matter Merlin." Arther suddenly looked angry. "Who could be more important than _me_?" Arthur shouted at his servant. "You're prince?" he added. _'Good recovery Arthur, don't need to sound too needy' _he told himself.

Merlin scoffed a hefty "Fine" at the prince before shoving past him to head up to Arthur's chambers for the laundry.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Grabbing at the laundry basket, Merlin glared at the offending clothing. "I can't believe that prat is making me do this now!" he grumbled under his breath. "I should be studying! This is so stupid!"

"Studying for what?" Arthur had grown fond of surprising the manservant.

Merlin blanched. "Wh-what?"

"You said you should be studying. Why do you need to study?" Arthur was actually interested in this. He always wondered what Merlin did in his free time.

"Um." Merlin stalled. He couldn't very well tell the prince that he was studying magic.

"If it is so important that you study, it can't be that hard to remember what you need to study!" Arthur laughed. "Unless you are really that stupid. Them maybe you're right, and studying is the best thing for you to be doing now."

"Gaius." Merlin half-shouted, the idea emerging in his mind. "I'm studying to help Gaius…in his work! I-I'm going to be his apprentice."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "You don't sound all that convinced."

"To be honest, I'm just surprised Gaius would want someone like me to be his apprentice." Merlin said softly. His gaze dropping to the floor as he spoke.

Arthur laughed. "True, you are a bit clumsy. And not all that bright."

Merlin's grip on the laundry basket tightened. He knew the prince was joking, but it did little to lessen the sting of the words. "Prat." He muttered.

Arthur heard the malice in the single word and finally looked at Merlin. He was shocked to find the boy tense, with his head down. "You look legitimately upset right now."

"Yeah? Well, maybe if I wasn't so stupid I could stop." Merlin ground out through his teeth.

Arthur walked over and took the basket from Merlin. "I changed my mind. This can wait until tomorrow. Why don't you go home Merlin."

The younger man shoved past Arthur without a word and fled the chambers.

Zigzagging down different hallways, Merlin wasn't even sure where he was going until he had reached his destination. A tower. One of the tallest ones in the palace.

He leaned over the edge. "I wonder how much magic would be needed to stop me from falling?" he asked no one in particular. No one could hear him up here.

He sighed in his contemplating and sat on the floor, back against the balcony barrier. "Not that I'd try." He said with a bitter smile. "I'm needed to protect that prat. It's my _destiny._" He spat out the last word with a bit of animosity. "Why can't I decide my own destiny?"

Merlin loved this tower. It was high enough that no one thought it needed guarding, so it was a little place that he could be alone and do whatever he wanted. He could look over the balcony and see the ant-like people wandering the courtyard. He could talk out his problems with himself. He could read a good book. He could hide from Arthur when the man was a prat. He could even practice his magic.

He sighed as he pulled his pouch from his side and opened it up. After rummaging around in it for a few moments, he withdrew a small knife. He opened his jacket up and pulled the sleeve down, exposing his bare shoulder. Bringing the knife to the creamy flesh, he pressed in. The milk-white skin stained red. He remembered the first time he did this and laughed bitterly about how scared he was. But now he dug in, seeking deeper pain; a deeper physical pain to drown out the emotions.

Time seemed to slow down when he went into what Merlin liked to call a blood trance. Maybe it really did. His magic seemed to like to work on its own, so who knew? It mattered little to the man as he raked the knife once more against his shoulder.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After a while; minutes, hours, he wasn't sure; blue eyes glowed gold and the blood was instantly cleared. The white-hot pain in his shoulder gone. He was getting damn good at those healing spells.

Merlin plunged the knife back into his pouch and righted it before he stood and calmly walked back down the stairs, heading for the chambers he shared with Gaius.

Gaius. Merlin sighed at the man crossed his mind. Gaius was like a father to him. "I wonder what he would think if he ever found out about…that." Merlin wondered to himself as he walked, being sure to keep his head down and attract no attention.

Opening the door, Merlin called out. "Gaius, I'm home."

The older man's head popped out from a book. "Oh good Merlin, I was starting to worry. Arthur make you stay late again?"

"Yeah, he's a real slave driver that prince." Merlin chuckled rubbing his shoulder. "All this would be so much easier if I could just magic my chores away."

Gaius's book fell out of his hands with a roaring thud. "Don't even joke about that kind of stuff Merlin! Can you even imagine how horrible it would be if the prince…no…the KING were to find out about your magic?" Gaius spat.

Merlin snorted. "Yeah, Gaius, I'm aware. Doesn't make it any less true."

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "I suppose." The hint of a grin forming on his face. "It is getting late now though. Have you eaten? I made a stew."

Merlin was already helping himself to a bowl. "I noticed, and no, I haven't eaten, thanks Gaius!" Merlin dug in quickly and devoured his meal.

Tossing his bowl and spoon into a bin with dirty dishes Merlin quickly made his way to his room. "Well, it's late and I know for a fact that Arthur has some nasty laundry for me to wash tomorrow, so I'm going to head to bed. Good night Gaius!" Merlin quickly shut the door as he called out his words quickly.

"Good night Merlin." Came the muffled and somewhat shocked reply.

Merlin sighed as he sat on the bed. Caressing his shoulder he lightly shivered at the memory.

He quickly got ready for bed and laid down. Mumbling sleepily, he asked himself one more question. One that weighed heavily on his mind every day. "Destiny. What does it know anyway?"

**Well, there you have it folks!**

**What did ya think? Should I continue? If you guys like it, I will try to keep on top of it this time! I swear I'm back!**

**...**

**Anyway, thanks Hyper readers, can't wait to hear from you!**


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